Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

First, I hate to bother you with your busiest time of the year approaching fast, but I was wondering if you could possibly squeeze in one more order before the big night? Its nothing big, I promise, and it wont even cost you any overtime with the elves.

I realize that i'm 32, and that i'm far beyond that age where I get to ask Santa for an extra special Christmas, but honestly I haven't asked for anything since I was around 12 and i've been pretty good this year so maybe you can let this one request slide, eh, big guy?


girlfriend: professional, feminine, 25-32 years old, educated, caucasian, adores her family, loves her life, has never been on Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer, always smells great, wont mind me treating her like a queen or opening all of her doors for her, wont mind that I call her dad "sir" or her mom "ma'am", wont mind my slightly unhinged addiction to ESPN, Wont mind it at all when I send her flowers, is comfortable with herself, will love going to parties with my co-workers but knows that I have my own friends and vice versa, loves me spooning her, doesn't snore, is sexy, can make me laugh, gives me plenty of reasons to trust her, doesn't mind a lot of sex, has ambition and understands my job requires a bit of sacrifice, takes my breath away at the site of her, oh and she doesn't own or wear a fanny pack, ever.

So, whatdya think big guy? Do I have a shot in hell?

if you do happen to get around to this you can leave her under the tree wrapped in a big bow or maybe just let me bump into her at the grocery store.

I understand that such a unique person would be hard to fill at this time of year as they are usually out of stock at any other point of the year but I figure if anyone can do it...its Santa. And if you cant pull it off, then its no big deal, ill gladly take a little world peace or maybe even an Ipod.

Merry Christmas,

Girlpunch

p.s. I'm leaving you beer out this year, you totally deserve it.