June 2007 Archives
Like man laws, but with more power tools.
1. A dyke should be able to successfully train a dog to sit in 5 minutes or less. If this task cannot be accomplished we ask that you please wear a sign around your neck so we know who you are.
2. There is absolutely no circumstance in which having a mullet is ever appropriate. None. We don't care if you watch NASCAR.
3. Rule above also applies to fanny packs.
4. Rule above also applies to the wearing of flannel.
5. Softball is the globally recognized sport of dykes. It will be played year around in all weather conditions. Missing a game due to weather,sickness or because you're watching the L word with your girlfriend could result in immediate revocation of your dyke card.
6. Softball is to never be missed. The only exception is the death of your mother, and only then if you're not in post season.
7. Rugby is the second official dyke sport, if not because tackling other girls is fun but because there's no way we should ever miss out on a sport where one of the positions is called a hooker.
8. Dykes are allowed to wear any brand of mens cologne... except Old Spice.
9. A Dyke should be able to change her own oil, and caulk her own shower. If a Dyke cannot accomplish this task all dyke's within a 50 mile radius will not only be allowed, but encouraged to stand in her front yard and point and laugh.
10. All Dykes should know how to play golf or at the very least attend weekly sessions at the driving range. Consumption of beer during golf is required. Consumption of anything made out of soy or wheatgrass while golfing will be deemed punishable by death.
11. ALL dykes should know how to change a flat tire *coughjamicough* If not we all get to go to your blog and rib you about it, well, forever.
1. A dyke should be able to successfully train a dog to sit in 5 minutes or less. If this task cannot be accomplished we ask that you please wear a sign around your neck so we know who you are.
2. There is absolutely no circumstance in which having a mullet is ever appropriate. None. We don't care if you watch NASCAR.
3. Rule above also applies to fanny packs.
4. Rule above also applies to the wearing of flannel.
5. Softball is the globally recognized sport of dykes. It will be played year around in all weather conditions. Missing a game due to weather,sickness or because you're watching the L word with your girlfriend could result in immediate revocation of your dyke card.
6. Softball is to never be missed. The only exception is the death of your mother, and only then if you're not in post season.
7. Rugby is the second official dyke sport, if not because tackling other girls is fun but because there's no way we should ever miss out on a sport where one of the positions is called a hooker.
8. Dykes are allowed to wear any brand of mens cologne... except Old Spice.
9. A Dyke should be able to change her own oil, and caulk her own shower. If a Dyke cannot accomplish this task all dyke's within a 50 mile radius will not only be allowed, but encouraged to stand in her front yard and point and laugh.
10. All Dykes should know how to play golf or at the very least attend weekly sessions at the driving range. Consumption of beer during golf is required. Consumption of anything made out of soy or wheatgrass while golfing will be deemed punishable by death.
11. ALL dykes should know how to change a flat tire *coughjamicough* If not we all get to go to your blog and rib you about it, well, forever.
June 13, 2007
About two months ago I got an e-mail from The Advocate asking me if they could profile my blog in one of their upcoming issues. Knowing I have a fair amount of people in this world that owe me a practical joke or two I started looking around the room for the inconspicuous cardboard box hiding the midget with his camera waiting to pop out of it and scream "HA! got you FUCKER".
But that didn't happen.
So, my blog, my baby, will be featured in The Advocate's July 3rd issue due to hit news stands, bookstores and mailboxes on or around June 19th. USMC Sergeant Eric Alva will be on the front cover and i'll be, well, not on the cover, but ya know, somewhere behind it.
About two months ago I got an e-mail from The Advocate asking me if they could profile my blog in one of their upcoming issues. Knowing I have a fair amount of people in this world that owe me a practical joke or two I started looking around the room for the inconspicuous cardboard box hiding the midget with his camera waiting to pop out of it and scream "HA! got you FUCKER".
But that didn't happen.
So, my blog, my baby, will be featured in The Advocate's July 3rd issue due to hit news stands, bookstores and mailboxes on or around June 19th. USMC Sergeant Eric Alva will be on the front cover and i'll be, well, not on the cover, but ya know, somewhere behind it.
